I was recently asked this in an “arranged marriage date”, if you could call it that, and as you can imagine, I was horribly offended. But I did what I always do, stayed calm and went on to explain for two whole minutes, how the one thing I do every day (go to work), how the one thing that has kept me sane through all these years, how the one thing that makes me feel like I have achieved something in life, how it can still continue after getting married and having kids.

You would think, getting into a good college would stop this. If you are delulu like me, you can think, going to the US and getting a master’s degree would stop it. But it never stops. No matter whatever you do, this question always pops up. Not just from your parents, your extended relatives, your in-laws but also from the person you are sitting opposite to, hoping to see if they can be “the one”.

I cannot believe, in this day and age, in legit 2026, women are still being asked this. I think about this, and it instantly makes me sad. Like, all the women before us, all the women today, fighting every day, working round the clock, have they not changed anything? Why is being a woman about managing it all? Why aren’t we allowed to not have answers to everything?

So, since I am too chicken to say anything to the men sitting opposite to me, I decided to write it out.

I guess, it is fair to say, that we won’t be able to manage it all. No, we won’t be able to cook full meals before we leave for office and cook dinner for everyone after we come back. No, we won’t be sitting idle and waiting for you to come back from work so that we can go out. No, we won’t be cooking breakfast while you are at the gym working on your dream body. No, we won’t have two kids and wait for them to grow up, so that we can continue on our dreams. No, we won’t be pausing our life so that your life continues as it always was. No, we won’t be wearing better clothes to “fit in” within your definition of culture. No, we won’t be giving up our agency, our financial independence. No, we won’t be doing a thousand other things that you and me both have seen our mothers do growing up. Because, guess what, we don’t want to.

How difficult is it to understand? How difficult can it really be? To understand that somebody can have the same dreams, the same ambitions, the same drive as you? To understand that somebody does not want to walk behind you, but beside you? To understand that somebody is willing to share the dream with you? To understand that you and me together will manage it all?

I am horrified with the idea of marriage. The thought of waking up in a new home, with new faces around, without my favourite blanket, without my favourite pillow, leaving behind my family, is scary enough. Everything about our life is going to change. From our middle name, to our residential addresses. We can only hope, our dreams don’t have to.

And I guess, it would be appropriate to end this by saying, I am supremely “career oriented”. If that scares you or your family, I am very sorry for you. So yeah, the next time somebody asks me this, I am just going to be like “This was awful. Thank you very much. See you never again.” and pick up the whole bill too, because you clearly don’t understand 50-50 and spare you the two minute monologue which literally does nothing to your 1950’s mindset.

Sorry, if this was too direct. And here I am, apologising again. You see, that’s how it is, to be a woman?

Also, listen to this beautiful poem : https://www.instagram.com/reel/DVnOQeACPpT/?igsh=dDVhc3h1amlrYzk2

And, don’t worry, I don’t think this is true for all men. I know there are better men out there, who have grown up.

Categories: Uncategorized

Feya Shah

Living life one day at a time and on the side, telling you about it!