Wow, what a year this has been.
Last year, 31st December 2022 was the one night that I gave to myself. One night to not worry about the job situation, or anything else, but just let loose and enjoy for this one night. And today, I am at my home in Mumbai, living with my parents and my sister, hoping to welcome 2024 with a big wide smile.
This year started with me being in Seattle, then in Cincinnati, and ended the year with Mumbai. 2023 has tested me in ways I could not have imagined. Moving between cities, moving between countries, I have done it all. From living completely alone with literally no one around and then back to living with my parents, I have done it all.
I love the idea of a new year. I love the idea that everyone around the world decides to reset their life one more time. It almost feels like a day when you forgive yourself for the mistakes you made this year and hope to do less of those in the coming year. It is nature’s do-over. I love how everything I have wanted to change about myself in the past month, somehow I have convinced myself that Jan 1st is the right date to make those changes. When truly speaking, Jan 1st is also going to be just a regular day apart from the fact that I’ll probably wake up with a lot of excitement, and a lot of hope. And I guess hope is the most beautiful thing, right?
So, to recap on this year’s most beautiful moments / gifts :
1. First one, has to be when I cracked a job interview finally. That too, before I got that final termination from my previous job. Cannot tell you how happy I was. For someone who’s life in America had been pretty easy before that, I felt like this was kind of my first achievement and oh how happy I was.
2. Another important gift, which did not seem to be that beautiful at the time, was the gift of being alone in the new city. I cannot tell you how many hours I have spent talking to myself, going for long walks, cooking for one, getting wine at home and celebrating with myself, consoling myself, going to watch all kind of movies alone, having dance parties, having lunches and dinners alone. At the time, it felt very difficult. But looking back, I think this has to be the most beautiful gift this year has given me. Solitude is the greatest gift. Today, I don’t feel weird about having a meal alone, about taking a walk alone, in fact I really look forward to it and I know this would be my biggest strength in the coming years.
3. One thing that I am super grateful about is my family being able to come to America to visit me. This was the biggest tick off my bucket list. It felt so good, taking them to exact places I have video called them from, to the exact places I talked about so much to them. It really was a dream come true.
4. And, obviously, coming back to India. Four years ago, I had a vision of going and being abroad for some years and coming back. And I guess, I wanted to be back with such strong intention, that this had to happen. I cannot believe everything I wished for has come true. I cannot believe life happened exactly as the way I imagined it to happen. Yesterday, I saw Dunki in the movie theatre, the new SRK movie and well, it talks about the same feeling and I have balled my eyes out. There is something about home, which you don’t get to create anywhere else. And all I said to my mom (who is my forever movie partner), was that I am so glad I came back. That’s all. (Just listen to the song “Nikle The Hum Kabhi Ghar se” lol). And more importantly, it feels like I have never been anywhere else. That I was never away. Watching movies alone was a lot of fun but now having a routine of watching koffee with karan with mom and dad is just too cute. And I don’t want to give that up for anything in the world.
5. The last thing, that I am super super super grateful about, is having this account. I know it seems stupid, and cringy, or as my sister tells me super non aesthetic at times, but I know one thing for sure, it is authentic, it is real, and more importantly, it is about me. I guess somewhere deep down, I feel like each one of us has a story to tell. A story so personal, a story that’s only about you. A story where you are the main character. I like to think of this account as me channeling my main character energy. Years later, I might not be doing the same things. But, I know my 35 year old self would love to see all the stupid stuff I used to do when I was 26. All the friends I had the best times with when I was 25. I look back at memories from this page, and on days, when I am as usual over thinking about something, this page makes me smile, reading these posts makes me super happy and I am hoping I never give up on it. And to be honest, I am an expert at losing people from my life. I know some of them deserve to be here, and others never needed to be in my life ever. But I see this as a way of having a conversation with them. About how I would tell them about my days, if we could still talk. And somehow, having this account, makes me feel as if they are still a part of my life, because they are still getting all updates, right?
I guess that kind of sums it up. Sorry to be oversharing again, I guess I cannot help it.
Here’s hoping 2024 is your best year, where you focus on yourself and the things that make you happy. I hope the coming year there are several moments that you mention in your diary as the best moments in your life. I hope you get to travel the world, and still feel home everywhere. I hope you cry a lot, because happy tears are the best things in the world. I hope you find love, somewhere within you. I hope this new year’s eve we all believe in ourselves a little more. And more importantly, believe that life will figure itself out. That you, no matter which stage you are in your life, are going to rock it in 2024.
With love,
Feya Shah
Categories: Technology
Feya Shah
Living life one day at a time and on the side, telling you about it!